Why Your Parenting Style Matters

Eric Fromm, some old dude from a long time ago, was a humanist psychoanalyst who believed that:

“Human beings are individuals, with their own thoughts, feelings, and sense of what is right and wrong, and they are ultimately responsible for their own behavior.”

Before you roll your eyes and walk away from the computer, hear me out! Fromm is absolutely right! But that doesn’t mean kids should be free to do whatever they want whenever they want. In essence, he’s saying that grabbing the belt just because you said so...just ain’t gonna cut it. You want to raise adults who know they are ultimately responsible for their behaviors and whatever consequences that may follow. Can consequences be bad? Absolutely! That’s why it’s important for parents to start the process early — so children don’t suffer consequences like seeing the inside of a jail cell as an adult. If you’ve made it this far, keep reading; it gets better!

Ok, so we all have a parenting style. Are you:

1. Authoritarian: You don’t spare the rod! You’re the “because I said so” parent. It’s your way or the highway! You’re old school, and you don’t care nothing about hurt feelings as long as children do whatever they are told. You were raised this way and turned out fine, right? But most children who grow up in these households either have broken spirits or they rebel.

2. Permissive: Ok, you’re on the other end of the spectrum. You’re the doormat. Permissive parents allow their children to do their own thing too much of the time. You would be pressed to find order and routine in this household. Maybe you grew up with authoritarian guardians and you would never do that to your kids! Still, children who grow up in permissive households don’t learn boundaries or how to work well with others.

3. Uninvolved: You feed and dress ‘em! That’s it! It may not be intentional, but you tend to have little knowledge about what your children are doing or who they are with. These children receive little to no guidance, nurturing, or attention. As a result, children with uninvolved parents tend to perform poorly in school, exhibit frequent behavior problems and are generally unhappy.

4. Authoritative Parenting: You’re intentional. You put effort into creating and maintaining a positive and supportive relationship with your child. You enforce clear and specific rules and boundaries. Your consequences are fair and logical. While you validate your children’s feelings, you make it clear that the adults are in charge because they know what’s best. These children tend to be happy and successful. They’re more likely to become responsible and productive adults who are good decision-makers.

Now back to old man Eric Fromm: Your absolute best shot at raising responsible human beings with their own thoughts, feelings, and sense of what is right and wrong, is to use more of an authoritative parenting style. If this is your ultimate goal for your child and you’re currently dabbling in other styles of parenting, no worries! With time and commitment to change, your child will undoubtedly benefit from your dedication.